Early on in the process, people would tell me it would be a lot of “hurry up and wait and hurry up again.”

I would have to say we are in the “waiting” portion of this statement. Waiting doesn’t become more glamorous whether you are waiting for a good thing to come or for a bad thing to be over. Much is the same. Waiting is waiting.

Some days this season of life feels like it’s passed with unexpected ease and quickness. Other days I feel the drain of the waiting—the longing in our hearts, the burning desire to go, the uncertainty that is before us.

Confession: I don’t do well with not knowing. 

I am flexible. I can make quick decisions in intense-pressure situations. I can adapt easily when needed. I do not do well with not knowing long-term plans.

My trust has borders, you see. Yet I serve the One Who is requiring all of my trust be only in Him. 

“…He is worthy of my trust and obedience. I will find rest nowhere but in His holy will that is unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what He is up to.” –Elisabeth Elliot

There is an old hymn that goes like this:

I surrender all.

I surrender all.

All to Thee, my precious Savior, I surrender all.

If I could rearrange the words of this song, I would sing: I surrender (mostly everything except for a few things I really like to control and don’t trust You to fill the void of those things within me, but I desire the approval of others and want them to think I have given You everything so I’m going to say “all” although I know that’s not true) all. 

Waiting requires a certain amount of trust—a certain amount I seem to run out of lately. It requires me to let go of all my expectations of how things should go—to surrender all of those to the Lord.

I am learning this will be a balance I will always have to face: to be honest before the One I serve with my feelings and to release those to Him at the same time.

Waiting requires surrender. It requires obedience and trust. And what does He command of us above all? To love Him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength—that’s all of me. If I cannot learn to love and trust the One Who asks me to simply love Him with all I am, then Who can I learn to trust?