We are called.
We sold all of our belongings. The Lord sold our house. We sold our cars, quit our jobs, and left our community that we had built the past 8 years. We even gave away our sweet puppy.
We were being obedient. And I thought that meant we would be happy. Full of joy each day as the rising of the sun. His mercies new every morning, the joy of the Lord is our strength, delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. And my heart was to go and make disciples. And He was bringing that dream to reality. And I would be happy.
It has only been a month.
Everyone said there would be a honeymoon period. We would enter culture shock after 3-5 months of being there. We would love these first few months.
Well, they were wrong. Culture shock for Nepal happened about day 1. And not even necessarily shock from the people. Nepalis are some of the sweetest people in the world. It’s everything else.
Even the sight of those Himalayan mountains peeking through the clouds are not enough to make me have romantic thoughts about life here.
I romanticized the whole thing. My expectations were unreal. No place in time could ever measure up to my fantasy about life overseas.
And now, what are we left with? Two broken people living a life in this country not because of the draw of this country or because of what we can get from this country or these people.
We are not here for the sake of the people here. We are not here to emphasize our names or offer to help where we can get credit. We are not here to save anyone anymore…although it would be wonderful if the Lord chooses to use us to introduce someone to Him.
We are here for one purpose: we are here for His glory. We are here because He said to go. And obedience is greater than sacrifice. We are here because He said, “Who will I send and who will go for us?” And we said, “Here are we. Send us.” You are worthy of our obedience and our devotion.
That’s it. That’s all we are left with. We have started over. We have friends and family who love us and encourage us. But they are not here living life with us. We have a new community, a new place to live with new foods and smells and sounds, a new home to begin.
[The above portion was written a couple of weeks ago.]
It’s amazing where the Lord can bring you in a couple of weeks when He refocuses your heart and mind on Himself.
My husband got sick again. Then I joined him in the hospital. Typhoid and a bacterial infection in our intestines. The adjustment to a new place often takes time. We haven’t been able to enjoy much of this new land due to physical sickness that has taken over one or both of us at least once a week since we have been here.
We continue to read His Word and pray that His Spirit would lead us each day. Right now, we are reading through Job and Romans as a part of 2-year Bible reading plan. What an interesting juxtaposition of Scripture. Innocent suffering where motives are questioned, harsh circumstances are blamed on seemingly immoral failures, and the reality is that God is sovereign in the midst of suffering. Then, you have a book laden with the theme: salvation is by grace through faith not by works, nothing you do or do not do can earn you love and acceptance by God, and a beckon to stop trying to be a people-pleaser and earn your way to God.
So here we sit. Two m’s serving on the other side of the world—sick physically, desiring to produce results for our efforts of sharing and making disciples, and led to a place where we physically cannot even get out of bed some days.
Are we failing?
Did we misunderstand the calling, the prompting, the events that were orchestrated for us to come?
Would we be more effective back in the States?
What does it mean to be effective? What is success? What is failure?
These questions don’t even make sense when put before God—the AUTHOR and perfecter of our faith. He led us here.
He will provide—during sickness or health, good days and bad, seemingly successful days or ordinary mundane days. He is with us. And what are we called to?
His glory. To be with Him—not perform for Him.
Reading through the book of Job reminds me: suffering isn’t the point. The point is that He is with us—always. And we can praise Him that He can relate to us in our suffering. We can praise Him for His presence being with us. Something almost everyone surrounding me misses as they seek after their false gods.
Our God is near—He is here.
Today is a success because of His presence.